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Rihanna
“The first part of Rihanna’s vaunted interview with ABC’s Diane Sawyer just aired on Good Morning America. It was only a five-minute clip — a teaser for the real interview that’s coming tomorrow night on 20/20 – but already the singer has said more than she did in the nine months following ex Chris Brown’s violent attack on her.
GMA cherrypicked some gripping excerpts for this interview trailer. The part that everyone will be talking about came when Rihanna acknowledged getting back together with Brown in the weeks after he assaulted her. “It’s pretty natural for that to be the first reaction,” she told Sawyer. “The moment the physical wounds go away, you want the memories to go away.” Love, she said, had blinded her at the time. Given how many victims of domestic violence do go back to their abusers, it’s important for the public to hear an explanation of that toxic thought process.
Rihanna told Sawyer that she eventually ended things with Brown after thinking about the example she was setting for fans in abusive relationships of their own. “When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that.” She said she became ashamed that she had ever been with someone who was capable of what Brown did to her: “I fell in love with that person. That’s embarassing.” (excerpt from Simon Vozick-Levinson article for EW)
It has also been pointed out in several news locations that Rihanna has been the victim of a crime and just because she is also famous, that does not mean that she has to become an automatic advocate.
But she has. And she has chosen to.
I could sit here and blither along about reasons why but honestly, I don’t now why she is choosing to do this. I could be cynical and relate it to the release of her new album, but you know what? She is a musician and given any point in her life, ten to one she has an album coming out or something to promote.
What is very, very important is that she talks openly about the kind of thoughts and emotions that makes someone who has been abused seek to hide the abuse – and not just from others, but from themselves.
As she says, “you want the memories to go away.”
And somehow, this extraordinarily young woman – talent and riches besides – some how came to a realization and series of choices that most women in abusive relationships have to struggle for years to achieve if, that is, they ever get there.
One of the most powerful books I read about domestic violence was fictional. “Rose Madder” by Stephen King. What made it so good is in using his ability to tell a tale of believable horror, he not only could put you inside the woman’s mind, but in her world of escape as well and used metaphor to illustrate the process of what it takes to break free from abuse.
Because anyone who has ever been there will tell you that just leaving does not end it. The words and memories are trenched inside you and unless you get them out you will always be at risk for becoming emeshed in an abusive relationship – whether your role is the as the abused or the abuser.
And that needs to be put out there too. It is common knowledge that men who come from abusive families have a higher risk of becoming abusers. But what we do not talk about is how thin the line is for a woman (or anyone) who has been abused, to become abusive in some way towards another.
It is because that is what they have learned about how to communicate and handle their stresses, emotions and fears. Sometimes, even in the assertion of one’s self being a victim you create an intolerable and abusive situation for another during your recovery.
Personally, I think Rihanna is going to make one heck of an old lady. She is certainly growing well and fine in all the ways that are important. While it is a horrible thing her drama has played out on an international stage, perhaps, in a way…it is what is best for for and pushed her. But only because of who she is, where she is trying to go and what she holds to be important already.
As short as each of our lives are, they are long in the moments. You are not defined by your any one thing that happens at any point in your life. You are only defined at the moment of your death, when you look back and can see the totality of what you have done and become.
There is nothing that is so important that you need to be hurt.
There is no love so great that it should tear you down.
For every one person who loves you, there are three or four others that would if they got the chance to know you.
And…
And…
no matter how much it feels like it, you are never without someone to turn to and someone who will understand.
copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe.
All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com
Cassandra Tribe is a member of Newsy.com
GMA cherrypicked some gripping excerpts for this interview trailer. The part that everyone will be talking about came when Rihanna acknowledged getting back together with Brown in the weeks after he assaulted her. “It’s pretty natural for that to be the first reaction,” she told Sawyer. “The moment the physical wounds go away, you want the memories to go away.” Love, she said, had blinded her at the time. Given how many victims of domestic violence do go back to their abusers, it’s important for the public to hear an explanation of that toxic thought process.
Rihanna told Sawyer that she eventually ended things with Brown after thinking about the example she was setting for fans in abusive relationships of their own. “When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that.” She said she became ashamed that she had ever been with someone who was capable of what Brown did to her: “I fell in love with that person. That’s embarassing.” (excerpt from Simon Vozick-Levinson article for EW)
It has also been pointed out in several news locations that Rihanna has been the victim of a crime and just because she is also famous, that does not mean that she has to become an automatic advocate.
But she has. And she has chosen to.
I could sit here and blither along about reasons why but honestly, I don’t now why she is choosing to do this. I could be cynical and relate it to the release of her new album, but you know what? She is a musician and given any point in her life, ten to one she has an album coming out or something to promote.
What is very, very important is that she talks openly about the kind of thoughts and emotions that makes someone who has been abused seek to hide the abuse – and not just from others, but from themselves.
As she says, “you want the memories to go away.”
And somehow, this extraordinarily young woman – talent and riches besides – some how came to a realization and series of choices that most women in abusive relationships have to struggle for years to achieve if, that is, they ever get there.
One of the most powerful books I read about domestic violence was fictional. “Rose Madder” by Stephen King. What made it so good is in using his ability to tell a tale of believable horror, he not only could put you inside the woman’s mind, but in her world of escape as well and used metaphor to illustrate the process of what it takes to break free from abuse.
Because anyone who has ever been there will tell you that just leaving does not end it. The words and memories are trenched inside you and unless you get them out you will always be at risk for becoming emeshed in an abusive relationship – whether your role is the as the abused or the abuser.
And that needs to be put out there too. It is common knowledge that men who come from abusive families have a higher risk of becoming abusers. But what we do not talk about is how thin the line is for a woman (or anyone) who has been abused, to become abusive in some way towards another.
It is because that is what they have learned about how to communicate and handle their stresses, emotions and fears. Sometimes, even in the assertion of one’s self being a victim you create an intolerable and abusive situation for another during your recovery.
Personally, I think Rihanna is going to make one heck of an old lady. She is certainly growing well and fine in all the ways that are important. While it is a horrible thing her drama has played out on an international stage, perhaps, in a way…it is what is best for for and pushed her. But only because of who she is, where she is trying to go and what she holds to be important already.
As short as each of our lives are, they are long in the moments. You are not defined by your any one thing that happens at any point in your life. You are only defined at the moment of your death, when you look back and can see the totality of what you have done and become.
There is nothing that is so important that you need to be hurt.
There is no love so great that it should tear you down.
For every one person who loves you, there are three or four others that would if they got the chance to know you.
And…
And…
no matter how much it feels like it, you are never without someone to turn to and someone who will understand.
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Buy http://www.amazon.com/Demon-Providence-d%C3%A9mon/dp/1449526756/ref...">The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com
Video Release: October 2009copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe.
All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com
Cassandra Tribe is a member of Newsy.com
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